What I have learned over time is that it’s easy to yell, boast, “I’m celibate/abstinent”, etc, when you aren’t actively dating anyone, but let that fine specimen of a man/woman appear in your life, that’s when you meet the person who has almost everything you have ever prayed for–feelings begin to emerge in your body that you didn’t even think existed.

Hey, maybe it’s just me–but being single at 30+ is absolutely no joke. Sometimes, I’m like, “Okay, God–something has to give, a sista is trying, but you aren’t making this easy at all”! There is an inner wife/husband that you are trying to keep on lock, that is doing everything possible to try to jump out–and if you are not careful–they will break out of this proverbial prison and jump on a person not meant for you to “know” in that regard. Literally!

Unless you are dead or have a hormone dysfunction, you are going to feel things just like everybody else. However, it’s what you do with those feelings that makes all the difference in the world.

Don’t think that just because you have a certain walk, a certain talk, a certain position that you are immune to anything. In my Madea voice–THE DEVIL IS A LIE!

DON’T FALL FOR THE HYPE– premarital sex and all that leads to it, is overrated.

I hear a lot of men say and ironically some women say, “well, I can’t imagine myself marrying someone and not knowing if we are sexually compatible”. I used to get annoyed but I realized that our childhood shapes who we become as an adult.

Most men are taught to become fascinated with cars at a relatively young age–the look, the feel, the fastness of the engine. They anticipate being able to get behind the wheel of a car–so that they can see if it’s all worth the hype–and for them it is. When they get of age, they do everything possible to prepare to get behind that wheel–and get ready to put the pedal to the metal. They anticipate getting one of their own, but they don’t just walk on the car lot and purchase it…they have to test drive it…and if it doesn’t feel right, move fast enough, or operate in manners that are suitable to their liking—ON TO THE NEXT. Unfortunately, this test drive mentality can still end up in someone purchasing a lemon or something to be least desired.

I’m not just going to leave the men hanging out there like that, because half of the time, we women have that mentality as well.

Just think about it when we go shoe/dress shopping. For the most part, we have eyed a certain item out for a while–but it wasn’t quite something we want to “invest” in. We go to the store, pace back and forth in between merchandise, but this particular item is just “calling our name”. We must try it! So we grab it–put our body part in it and survey ourselves in the mirror to see if gives us just the right fit. Is it comfortable, does it make a statement, and is it something affordable? It looks good, it feels good, for that split second–and in an instance–WE BUY IT!

In order to know a person–it goes far beyond physical touch and feeling.
To truly know a person, you much research them. This takes time to learn the facts and to establish your mind and heart with all certainty that this person is who they say and act like they are. You must learn about their internal qualities and you hold their individual specification against the Manufacturer’s specifications.

How is their fruit? Does it match the Manufacturer’s specifications written in Galatians 5:22-23–full of mercy, gentleness, patience, kindness, goodness, peace, joy, faithfulness and self-control?

How does this person exhibit real love? Does it match the Manufacturer’s specifications as written in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7– patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, does not demand its own way, no irritable, does not keep records of wrong doing, rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, a love that endures?


Anyone who sees your worth and wants something better for their life and yours will get to know you beyond what is physical. It’s at this moment they can decide whether they can get with the program or if it’s best to let you go. Whichever it may be, don’t ever feel like something is wrong with you. That’s the enemy. He will begin to plant seeds in your mind, that no one will ever see your value–you’re not worth the wait because no one else is really waiting (inside the church and outside)…let’s be real, but you have to recognize that his job is to come to kill ,steal and destroy (John 10:10).

You have to cast down all the negative thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5) and realize that YOU are worth it and so is he/she.

I know for me, I want my relationship to be blessed beyond measure. It’s not about just denying oneself just because it’s the “right thing to do”…it’s more so about a walk of faith an obedience. It’s an act of love for God, yourself (as His child) and the love for others.

Like any relationship, your love walk takes a lot of effort. I haven’t always walked in perfect love with God, just like I fail in my love walk with people from time to time–but my future is not defined by my failures…With each day, I learn how to love a bit harder, and walk a bit better.

Though it’s difficult and places me in a place outside of my comfort zone–I will not be afraid.

I John 4:18 states:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”.

When I know this–I can walk afraid, knowing that God will meet me just where I am, and I will be victorious.




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