My Encounter with God: 5/16/12- God’s Novocaine for Heartache

Today’s word of the day for me is \numb\:

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To deaden or place in a state of sleep, whereas to be conscious about what is going on around you, yet not feel pain.

Not necessarily a Webster’s Dictionary definition, but as I began to ponder on this word and definition that was placed in my spirit today, I began to see more and more of the character of God.

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t think this was the greatest place to be. For about a week now, my tolerance has gotten REALLY low. The things that used to make me sorrowful, I began to take on the feeling of “it is what it is”. I began to clean out my address book, delete old emails/texts, just rid myself of all of the non-productive interactions that I’ve accumulated over many years.  God began to reveal to me this morning that I’m not necessarily going into a place of where I don’t care, but instead going into a place where I place the burden upon him.

He gave me this vision of my cousin who is a dental surgeon.  For the longest time, I hated going to the dentist, because I was mistreated by one in the past. I went in to this dentist when I was about 21 years old to have a cavity filled. The dentist began to start the procedure and did not numb me all of the way. I told him that I felt the pain. He didn’t care and kept on drilling. Tears streamed down my face. I felt violated in some way, as if what I felt didn’t matter. Shortly after the procedure started, the secretary came in and told the dentist that I was no longer covered under my father’s dental insurance. When the dentist found this out, He told me that unless I could pay for the charges out of pocket, he would not be able to complete the procedure. Here I was, this 21 year-old, completing college, not making much money on the little full time job I had. Here I was vulnerable, trusting this professional to take care of a problem that was causing me pain. He started the job, only not to finish but leaving me in more pain. It took me a very long time to trust a dentist again.

Ironically, I’ve been to this dentist over and over again in my relational life. Meeting individuals who say they are qualified for the job, but only to leave me hanging in deeper pain than I was before I encountered them. BIG WOW MOMENT!

As time went on, my cousin had now became a dental surgeon. My problem had gotten so bad that I couldn’t go on anymore without assistance. I had to get the source of the problem examined. When I went to my cousin, he had a still calm voice that relaxed me. He explained to me what was going on and proceeded with the procedure. He numbed the general area in which he was going to work and said, “okay, you’re going to feel a little prick”. I jumped just a little, but after a while, I said to myself “was that all”. “Okay, you’re going to hear and see some things going on around you, but don’t be alarmed”. I sat there calm, conscious of all that was going on around me, even felt a little pressure. As he injected the novocaine my heart raced and I became a little anxious about what was going on, but I understood that I was in the hands of a person who loved me, who cared about me, and who was going to do everything in his power to help me not to feel anymore pain. As I relaxed and placed the burden of my toothache in the hands of someone I trusted–all went well, he was able to start and COMPLETE the work left by someone else.

Eventually, I no longer felt pain.

God reminded me of this very thing experience this morning. I had been feeling as if I was becoming numb to the thought of a relationship. I’ve had really no huge yearning to spend my time meeting someone new. Had no tolerance for starting something only for it to leave me into disappointment. I haven’t really felt bitter, but more so, “I just don’t care anymore”. As I stated before, I thought this was a bad place, but now that I’m writing, I am understanding that this is such a great place to be.

When God numbs your heart and mind–he’s not numbing your emotional entities to cause you to become nonchalant or indifferent or closed to possibility of falling in love one day.  He does it so that He can have the ultimate control to do what he needs to do to fix them from the aftermath of life. Life hurts. Our interactions with people can sometimes hurt. THIS IS A REALITY.

Though we are aware of what is going on around us, his spiritual novocaine shields us from feeling the things that would cause even more pain. It places our heart in a state of numbness, so God can go in a clean out all of the sources of heart, betrayal, aggravation/irritation <—all the things that if not handled can be responsible for making us irritable and bitter individuals.

So today, I’m embracing the numbness. It’s just a reminder that I’ve placed my cares upon God. Though I’m well aware of what’s going on around me–people developing new relationships, transitioning to new stages in life, getting married, having children–all the things that I do desire, there’s great comfort in knowing that everything is taken care of because He really does cares about me and everything concerning me.

There are some other people out there experiencing this very numbness. Understand that this is a GREAT place!  Embrace it!

Love, peace and many blessings,

B.

Cast all your cares {burdens, desires, anxiety, thoughts, behaviors} upon God, because He cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7

EMOTIONAL FLOODING

Okay, here I go…being way more transparent that I wish on FB, but I KNOW it’s not just for me.

Tony Robbins did a session on Oprah’s Life Class last night called Emotional Flooding. It’s an exercise where instead of you thinking about the negatives, you flood your emotions with the things that you are grateful for. This exercise changed my life. Here I was having a great morning and one song, threw me into an emotional frenzy, making me get all emotional about what is seemingly a hedge of thorns around me-keeping me from finding true love. I didn’t understand why I’ve been hurt so much or why meeting someone of like mind, like faith where there is a mutual attraction in most areas is soooo difficult of me.

Perhaps you may be experiencing something similar where you don’t quite understand why things are at a stand still–perhaps not in the area of love, but perhaps finances, career, whatever, may these words bless you.

God showed me 1) be grateful that I have kept you despite the many times you’ve tried to work your way out of my protection. 2) Be grateful that what I kept you were from situations you were not even aware 3) Be grateful that my no is not never, but it’s a not right now, only to ensure you be in a situation that will produce fruit 4) Be grateful that you have this time to learn more about yourself and grow 5) be grateful that you have time to learn about Me and Grow 6) Be grateful that you have had personal encounters with patience, faith, trust–you will need these things in the future. 7) be grateful that you have such a big heart and have the time that you can pour love into the lives of people who have no access to it. That’s the epitome of My love.

When I tell you that exercise brought me to my knees in thanks. I’ve never been so grateful for this season. In every difficult situation in life, I urge you to take 4 minutes out of your day to do this exercise. Have a box of Kleenex near by too! ♥ Hope this helped someone!