Today, my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. As I celebrated this occasion of love and longevity in marriage, I began to ponder how one can grow up in a household filled with so much devotion, loyalty, and commitment, yet still not be able to stumble across real, mutual love, as if this type of love has come prehistoric to my generation?



My dad had been previously married–the details of that marriage shall remain family information only; however, it unfortunately lead to the dissolving of that marriage. That marriage, birthed my brother. As a single father {TAKING CARE OF HIS RESPONSIBILITY}, my father didn’t give up hope on finding the love that he desired. Like a true man, when he stumbled across that which he knew he wouldn’t find again–he didn’t hesitate, regardless of the parts of his past that remained. He would soon find that a blessing that occurred in his past, would graciously be accepted into his future.

My parents met at  funeral some time in about 1977. My mother wasn’t really feeling my daddy at first. She wasn’t really excited about him, but yet, he didn’t give up–he persevered. After about 3 months of dating, he experienced enough of what he desired to make a SOUND decision to spend the rest of his life with her. By month 6, they were married.  Truth be told, he actually knew before he asked her to marry him that she was THE ONE. 


It didn’t really take long. I always wondered how did he know so suddenly?

After studying the history of my dad’s relationship, I finally got it. He experienced so much of what he did not desire in his previous marriage, that it was easy to recognize not only exactly what he wanted, but exactly what he needed.

The problem in society today is that we are so OVERINDULGENT. There are so many options available, I had quite a selection of synonyms I could have used for that very word!

It’s hard to tap into what we really desire, because it’s so simple to appease our appetite settling for the things that birth momentary gratification. Everything is so easily accessible these days. If you don’t feel like cooking, all you have to do is step outside of your yard into any main road and have access to a plethora of dining facilities that will surely meet the needs of your hunger. Technology is ever-changing. A cellphone or computer that you obtain one month ago, pretty much becomes obsolete after a few months–no longer satisfying the need you had when originally purchased. Can’t find a man/woman in the “real world”?  DON’T FRET!  There are a plethora of dating sites available to meet the needs of what you most desire–interracial dating, single mom, black men who love white women, white men who love black women, bromance…


Dating has birthed a buffet mentality–having access to a smorgasbord of “goodies” without investing much to get it. Golden Corral Relationships-For a little of nothing, you can have ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT!


I reminiscence on the many times I’ve gone to buffets of the sorts, and typically my eyes are way bigger than my stomach; however, just because I have access to it–I continue eating. Finally, which satisfaction hits, I’m stuffed, not wanting to look at food again for a good while. Actually the sight of food sickens me when I’m stuffed at that level.

Dating, has become like this. We overindulge in the variety that is available, that the simple pleasure of sitting back and savoring a five-star opportunity that is palatable and just enough to satisfy that hunger is non-existent.

I received a text message from a close guy friend today, who sent encouragement, not even understanding the season I was in–a season of deciding not to date casually–almost nearing giving up the hope of the possibility of something fruitful. I share this to encourage someone who feels like, what they have inside of them is constantly over looked for “situations” of momentary gratification.

“Ms. Spyies, you have the spirit of pouring into a man and don’t ever take it lightly. I know we’ve had many discussions about you being tired of pouring into someone and it not being reciprocated, but please believe that at the end of the day someone will catch on. Better than the fliest outfit, the fliest makeup, the best smelling perfume, the greatest cooking, or the most mind-blowing sex, the greatest gift I believe a woman gives a man, is in the way she ministers/prays with him through his stormy seasons and her undying loyalty to him–but ONLY a “MAN” will recognize this! BE ENCOURAGED”.


I truly don’t think so. You can’t expect a man/woman with a “buffet” mentality to be able to appreciate the investment in a “five-star” man/woman. That’s just the truth!

What’s written above by a man  is highlighting the character of a five-star woman. Many of your are that FIVE-STAR PERSON!

At times, I truly believed that the ability to obtain such a pure relationship such as my parent’s marriage had become ancient history. But then an unlikely source pours into my spirit–MY HOPE IS RESTORED.  I look at my parents marriage and MY HOPE IS RESTORED. I return to the Word of God and review His promises unto me and again, MY HOPE IS RESTORED.

My parents marriage is a ministry to me and to many others. It’s like opening a history book, just to remember-how everything begin. Their wedding album like historical artifact–evidence that true love can happen and is still alive and well to date. It’s not prehistoric…real love is historic! I BELIEVE IT! #readytomakehistory



Earlier today, I had the pleasure of fitting a man with hearing aids for the first time. He had be living about 50+ years in this “bubble” of silence, disconnected from the world.

I watch a slight smirk peek from his lips, as he listens to sounds emerge that were once in hiding. His wife witnesses that he’s hearing things again, and she says in a soft voice, “I love you”. The eyes of this burly man turns to the direction of her voice, looks at her and says , “I love you too”. Trying to be professional and hold my composure—being the mush that I am, I asked him how long they had been married. “40 years”, he replied. “Excuse me?”, she corrected… “What? We have been in business for 40 years”, he stated. “Turn, your hearing aid up! She asked, how long we have been married?”. The patient laughed and corrected himself, saying, “ohhh, 48 years”. I chuckled at them, and asked what the secret to their longevity was?

He simply said, “WEATHER THE STORMS”.

I took a mental note, only to come back to reflect on it during lunch.

I decided to look up exactly what this idiom meant–my favorite definition was:

I re-evaluated my relationships and even friendships over the years…some have been really rocky, those who I consider the closest to me have known me for a while and we have had to do exactly what he suggested.

It doesn’t amaze me that on a more regular basis I have come in contact with couples that are walking testimonies that longevity in marriage still exists. Of course because the marriages are so long, it typically is seen in the older generation.


The whole “STICK WITH IT, TIL DEATH DO US PART, THROUGH THICK AND THIN” mentality in the younger generation is almost non-existent these days.


In my quiet time, I began to think about rocks. Most are jagged and rough to the touch. A rock can be so sharp and abrasive, it can create some of the deepest wounds. Yet, no matter how jagged a rock is, in time, weather conditions can even break down the oldest, largest, immoveable ones. They can become some of the most beautiful stones–used to decorate or to adorn.

All good relationships are not without difficulty–YOU WILL experience some stormy times. Variable winds (mood swings), rain (tears), heat (disagreements), and ice (stubbornness/coldness) are just a few conditions one may experience.

You have to keep in mind that not all storms are meant to be weathered. There are some the will force you take an evacuation route immediately! I’m not referring to them. Some individuals God will not grant peace when you try to walk way. He wants you to ride out the storms to access a greater purpose. But to do so you must keep your focus on Him. In time, if you don’t give up, these rocky roads will become beautifully smoothed stony paths that lead to greatness.

in my humble opinion…